Sleep Is Not Coming

It's dark.

Sleep is not coming tonight so I lay here in thought instead.

What is life if not to be happy?

Carly makes me happy.

Sometimes frustrated.

Sometimes tears.

Why?

Do I want this?

Can I balance my spiritual life?

The two cannot coexist.

I know, but not why.

Can I feel fulfilled following either?

Rebirth must exist.

Rebirth is the only way to feel peace.

Drift to sleep, almost.

Hands. I cannot think of anything but my hands.

They feel weightless.

They feel tingly and weak and immobile and useless.

What is this.

I hate this feeling.

Jolt awake suddenly.

Shake hands, feeling is gone - kind of.

Must sleep again.

Hands.

No!

Again.

Feel trapped, imprisoned.

"This too shall pass..."

Moment of panic.

I know what to do.

Hurry to bathroom.

Light is surprising.

Cold water - splash face, cover body.

Floor is wet, doesn't matter.

Look up.

Reality is different, it seems altered.

Drugs?

This is a dream.

This cannot be a dream.

What is going on?

Chills.

Hurry back to bed, cover with sheet.

Now I will sleep.

No.

Facebook.

Eyes scream for sleep. I will try.

Heat. No escape. Breathing constricted, sweat. The world presses in on me.

I'm crazy.

Turn on light.

Sleep is not coming tonight so I will write instead.

Kiss

Haven't felt this much

Since last time I saw you.

You're here,

With me.

Indescribable.

I pull you in for a hug.

Your mouth moves

As if to kiss my longing lips.

The air is charged with emotion

As we both remember

And hastily return to our hug

With even tighter grip.

Again your lips move toward mine

I close my eyes

You can tell how badly I want,

But I press my face into your neck.

Look up to kiss your cheek

Lips meet.

Right and wrong disappear.

Tomorrow and yesterday no longer matter.

In a shining, explosive moment,

The universe aligns

I am right where I should be

My lips melt into yours;

We are one,

Together.

This moment is all there is,

You and I are everything.

And it's all I need

And I need it forever.

Untitled

An empty room.

Just me, him, and a mattress on the floor.

He shuts the door.

Flicks off the light...

I feel his large, warm hand on my back

Guiding me toward the bed.

His voice whispers sweet words

As downstairs, I hear the voices and laughter of my friends -

Still drinking and partying.

I feel his hot breath on my neck.

He plays with my shirt.

Fingers touch skin,

Sending jolts of apprehension

And confusion

Through me.

Can I do this?

His lips draw close to mine.

She broke up with me. I'm free to do what I want.

I turn my head away at the last moment.

I could never live with myself.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

He pushes my hair from my face

And gently kisses my cheek.

Feels like the worst kind of betrayal.

I don't want to hurt her.

But I don't leave.

There is something comforting

In his strong arms around me.

Something reassuring

In being wanted badly enough that he stayed

And kept trying to seduce me.

I knew come morning,

This would be a regret.

But tonight,

It was what I needed.