Sleep Is Not Coming

It's dark.

Sleep is not coming tonight so I lay here in thought instead.

What is life if not to be happy?

Carly makes me happy.

Sometimes frustrated.

Sometimes tears.

Why?

Do I want this?

Can I balance my spiritual life?

The two cannot coexist.

I know, but not why.

Can I feel fulfilled following either?

Rebirth must exist.

Rebirth is the only way to feel peace.

Drift to sleep, almost.

Hands. I cannot think of anything but my hands.

They feel weightless.

They feel tingly and weak and immobile and useless.

What is this.

I hate this feeling.

Jolt awake suddenly.

Shake hands, feeling is gone - kind of.

Must sleep again.

Hands.

No!

Again.

Feel trapped, imprisoned.

"This too shall pass..."

Moment of panic.

I know what to do.

Hurry to bathroom.

Light is surprising.

Cold water - splash face, cover body.

Floor is wet, doesn't matter.

Look up.

Reality is different, it seems altered.

Drugs?

This is a dream.

This cannot be a dream.

What is going on?

Chills.

Hurry back to bed, cover with sheet.

Now I will sleep.

No.

Facebook.

Eyes scream for sleep. I will try.

Heat. No escape. Breathing constricted, sweat. The world presses in on me.

I'm crazy.

Turn on light.

Sleep is not coming tonight so I will write instead.