Sleep is not coming tonight so I lay here in thought instead.
What is life if not to be happy?
Carly makes me happy.
Do I want this?
Can I balance my spiritual life?
The two cannot coexist.
I know, but not why.
Can I feel fulfilled following either?
Rebirth must exist.
Rebirth is the only way to feel peace.
Drift to sleep, almost.
Hands. I cannot think of anything but my hands.
They feel weightless.
They feel tingly and weak and immobile and useless.
What is this.
I hate this feeling.
Jolt awake suddenly.
Shake hands, feeling is gone - kind of.
Must sleep again.
Feel trapped, imprisoned.
"This too shall pass..."
Moment of panic.
I know what to do.
Hurry to bathroom.
Light is surprising.
Cold water - splash face, cover body.
Floor is wet, doesn't matter.
Reality is different, it seems altered.
This is a dream.
This cannot be a dream.
What is going on?
Hurry back to bed, cover with sheet.
Now I will sleep.
Eyes scream for sleep. I will try.
Heat. No escape. Breathing constricted, sweat. The world presses in on me.
Turn on light.
Sleep is not coming tonight so I will write instead.