Deep Breath

Deep breath, so deep.
Fill my lungs
With sweet carbon smoke

It's swirling upwards,
Painting a monochromatic
In crisp, cool air

Breathe deep,
I am awake.
Vibrant colors all around

Fiery reds
and golden leaves
Fall gently
When a breath moves through the trees.

Firm, supple ground
Beneath my feet;
Deep green mosses
At my toes

Rich black soil
The past from which
The forest now grows

And leaves fall too
Beginning again,
Back to the earth.

I'm walking now.
The forest changes
at my feet.

From cool, moist earth
To firm,
Dry with grasses

Warm, safe, golden sun
Cuts through
Fresh autumn air

Laying down I meet some locusts
And a fly or two.
Living it up
Before the air gets cold.

And cicadas still hum,
Closing the year
With that high-pitched little song.

The sun grows hot
As my eyes grow heavy
Cicadas hum in soft, warm blackness

Deep breath, so deep.
The forest fills my lungs

Swirling upwards now
Painting a monochromatic
In crisp, cool air.

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My Body Is The Universe

My body is the Universe.

Every atom that is me
Has unfathomable history—

One may have been a king
In his kingdom long ago...

...could have been a petal
On the blossom of a peach tree...

...a meteor
Hurdling through the galaxy...

...or a star, 
Shining long before the earth was formed;

My body is a million histories
But it's all one Reality.

I am Everything that ever was:
And everything that will ever be
Will be the Same matter that is me

No, I am not an individual
but rather
the Universe, with its ever-changing form:

Converging here, Destructing there
All but One Consciousness. All but One Existance.

So if I may as well be you,
And you could very well be me,

How hard is it to Love?
How difficult is Peace?

Sleep Is Not Coming

It's dark.

Sleep is not coming tonight so I lay here in thought instead.

What is life if not to be happy?

Carly makes me happy.

Sometimes frustrated.

Sometimes tears.

Why?

Do I want this?

Can I balance my spiritual life?

The two cannot coexist.

I know, but not why.

Can I feel fulfilled following either?

Rebirth must exist.

Rebirth is the only way to feel peace.

Drift to sleep, almost.

Hands. I cannot think of anything but my hands.

They feel weightless.

They feel tingly and weak and immobile and useless.

What is this.

I hate this feeling.

Jolt awake suddenly.

Shake hands, feeling is gone - kind of.

Must sleep again.

Hands.

No!

Again.

Feel trapped, imprisoned.

"This too shall pass..."

Moment of panic.

I know what to do.

Hurry to bathroom.

Light is surprising.

Cold water - splash face, cover body.

Floor is wet, doesn't matter.

Look up.

Reality is different, it seems altered.

Drugs?

This is a dream.

This cannot be a dream.

What is going on?

Chills.

Hurry back to bed, cover with sheet.

Now I will sleep.

No.

Facebook.

Eyes scream for sleep. I will try.

Heat. No escape. Breathing constricted, sweat. The world presses in on me.

I'm crazy.

Turn on light.

Sleep is not coming tonight so I will write instead.

I Miss You.

I miss you.

I didn't yesterday,

Or the day before...

But I'm weak today.

As thoughts of you flood my mind,

Everything else fades away.

I need to feel your lips,

I need to see your face,

I need to know you're still here...

I need your arms to bring me home tonight.

The girl that didn't bother me yesterday

Has reduced me to a jealous,

Insecure teenager today.

Break her heart,

And remind me that you love me.

Tell me I'm the only one you want.

Forgive me for my selfishness...

I need you to be mine tonight.

Untitled

An empty room.

Just me, him, and a mattress on the floor.

He shuts the door.

Flicks off the light...

I feel his large, warm hand on my back

Guiding me toward the bed.

His voice whispers sweet words

As downstairs, I hear the voices and laughter of my friends -

Still drinking and partying.

I feel his hot breath on my neck.

He plays with my shirt.

Fingers touch skin,

Sending jolts of apprehension

And confusion

Through me.

Can I do this?

His lips draw close to mine.

She broke up with me. I'm free to do what I want.

I turn my head away at the last moment.

I could never live with myself.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

He pushes my hair from my face

And gently kisses my cheek.

Feels like the worst kind of betrayal.

I don't want to hurt her.

But I don't leave.

There is something comforting

In his strong arms around me.

Something reassuring

In being wanted badly enough that he stayed

And kept trying to seduce me.

I knew come morning,

This would be a regret.

But tonight,

It was what I needed.